Two Are Better Than One

There is an old saying that my mother use to always say, "many hands make light work". This couldn't be more true in the ol' commune. There are some truly wonderful things about living in community and not the least of which is having more helpers around. I think that's why in the days of yore families had so many kids. It could also be related to the fact that children making it past their first year of life was an accomplishment, but I digress. The point is, there are some really wonderful things about living in community and I'd like to share some of them with you. Ladies take notice, it is absolutely wonderful to have another lady's hands around to help with the day to day tasks in the home.

Things that I LOVE about living in community:


1. Cooking becomes much less of a chore when you have another woman to plan meals and grocery shop with. They can also take up some of the burden when you have a night that you don't particularly feel like cooking.

2. This house is HUGE. I simply cannot imagine having to clean all 3000+ sq. ft. of it all by myself. Again, having another lady friend to take up some of that load makes all the difference

3. Having your best friends around all the time just makes life that much more enjoyable.

4. Having extra hands to do all the move in painting cuts project time in half.

5. There is very little opportunity for loneliness in this house as there is always someone to talk to, always someone to come out in the garage and chat with you whilst you paint a table.

6. All the household bills are cut in half. This also applies to the grocery bill and other home expenditures.

7. Having another lady in the house means twice the possibility of fresh baked goods lying around at all times.

8. Living in a community means that you constantly have a "go to" group of others to hang out with on Friday or Saturday nights.

9. When doing the home decorating it is nice to have a second pair of eyes and mind for creative thought.

Things that I DON'T LOVE (see how I didn't use hate there) about living in Community:

1. This one goes along with #3 up top. While #3 is quite nice, it can also be, at times, quite tiresome. There are days when you just want everyone to GO AWAY!!! Why are there people EVERYWHERE?!?!?!

2. Total exposure. There are no secrets when you live in this close of proximity.

3. Having another lady in the house means twice the possibility of fresh baked goods lying around at all times. Yes. This is a repeat from above. As you can imagine this is a double edged sword.

4. Food gets eaten up twice as fast. If you know me, you know i'm territorial about my food. Step back away from my cookies people!!

5. Everyone, except me, gets SUPER annoying at some point.

6. No more nude walkings about whenever you feel like it.

7. Everyone has an opinion on EVERYTHING. Just when you think that you've figured out just how you would do something or just where you would like to place something someone else tells you that they'd prefer it another way.

I'm sure there are more things, both good and bad, I will add them as I think of them.


In this arrangement I feel that the ladies have the upper hand. Sometimes I feel quite bad for the men. They now have two times the amount of nagging and two times the amount of ladies telling them what to do. wah wah wah.

Two are better than one because they have better return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 

-Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Sticks and Stones

You know that old childhood saying about sticks and stones breaking bones but words not hurting? If not, here's a quick reminder:

"Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me"

 Picture some bratty kid saying that with their tongue sticking out. They'd also probably follow it up with some version of "nah nah nah nah boo boo!"

What a pile of bologna! As everyone has experienced, words can hurt just as deep as any bruise and sometimes worse because their scars are not outwardly noticeable.

Well unfortunately for me, OK it's not really unfortunate, but it is hard. God's got his eye on continuing to work on my sharp and prickly edges and he's using my fellow commune mates to expose where I need to change. I have too sharp of a tongue. I let hurtful words fly out of my mouth without giving a moments notice. It usually happens when I'm irritated or even pissed about something. I need to find the balance and learn to control my tongue. It's not that anger is bad. I think that we place a negative connotation around anger as an emotion. It too, like sadness or joy, is a valid emotion and one that Jesus himself even experienced. Seriously, read the story in Matthew about him flipping over tables at the temple. Dude was pissed. The difference is, Jesus didn't sin in his anger. Can't say the same about myself. Yipes! I need to learn how to express my anger in a more constructive manner and one that doesn't directly hurt other people.

The nasty part about this unveiling is that I have learned that I am extremely adept at giving a good tongue lashing. This is not a status that I am proud of having acquired. If I'm honest with myself, I probably started honing my skills many years ago and have worked pretty hard at them ever since.

Growing up, anger and rage were the only "allowed" emotions in my family. Sorrow, fear, and anxiety need not apply. For whatever reason, actively expressing those particular emotions was not allowed. These were always answered away and you were constantly given a reason for why you, in fact, did not have those particular feelings. In general, feelings weren't really allowed in our house but somehow anger and rage made the cut. Perhaps these emotions were OK because they shielded your vulnerable side. I can't really say.

At any rate, when you grow up in a family in which barking at one another and anger outbursts are a common occurrence you naturally begin to develop a pretty thick skin. As a result, you become desensitized to the power of your words. For many years I have often thought that everyone else should just toughen up and that they were the ones in need of a change, and not me. Surely, not me! Can we say pride much? Yeah well, as I've said it before God seems to have a sense of humor and he's pretty good at knocking us down a few notches when there's something that we need to change in our lives. My commune partners in crime have been brave enough to confront me with the times that I have hurt them and to make me aware that my words do have meaning and power. So, I went ahead and followed that up with a good punching in their face. um...what? Just kidding! Let me tell you though, confrontation really SUCKS, probably for them too. It's never easy to confront someone as you never really know how they will respond.

I wish that I could say that this realization has led to an immediate change of behavior. It has not. It is a work in progress. Isn't that life for ya? We're always a work in progress. I am currently trying to think of ways to allow my anger to come out. I don't want to suppress my anger, but at the same time it needs to come out in a less harmful manner.

Got any anger expulsion ideas for me? Here in the commune we have often joked about having a "freak out garage". You would go in there and scream your head off and them come back out feeling refreshed. Ha! I wonder if that would work? I've also always really wanted to break something. I would just love to have a cement wall that I could throw plates into, or better yet, delicate wine glasses. oooh.  Wouldn't that be rewarding? Only problem would be having the endless supply of glassware to break. That might get a little costly. How about something that I could yell out into the air that wouldn't be directed at any one person? Trust me, I can swear like a sailor so I'm trying to think of something that might not involve swear words. :)

I'll let you know if I come up with anything. In the meantime I'll leave you with the verse that has given me a lot of comfort during this time.

Being confident of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus 

-Phillipians 1:6

What this verse means to me is that I can and will be able to change because of the work of grace. This is a huge encouragement to me. It's so easy to feel trapped and defeated, like we will never be any different, that we cannot change, but that my friends is a lie. 

True Confessions: Part 2

New flash: I'm not as awesome as I think I am. Crazy right? This absolutely astounding news has come to my blatant attention in the last 2 months. I have to admit that prior to this commune journey I have had the notion that I was slightly less than amazing all of the time. However, nothing will quite take the wind out of your sails and bring you a healthy dose of humility like living in community with 3 other adults.

I've come to the conclusion that living in community is not unlike going into a marriage relationship, except for one thing, the other's are much less willing than your actual marriage partner to take your crap. It's true. I do believe there is some amount of allowed manipulation and willing extension of denial between marriage partners. In essence, marriage partners are slightly more willing to let things slide or give the other person a bit more wiggle room with their behaviors. Now that I'm living with 2 other adults, besides my husband, there is total and unrelenting exposure. It's unavoidable when you live in this close of proximity to one another. I simply cannot hide from my personality flaws as easily as before. I can't ignore the times that I've hurt people or let words fly out of my mouth faster than my brain could process their magnitude. Having 3 people to hold you accountable for your behavior is much more sobering than what a mere partner could provide.

To some people this concept might sound horrible and I won't sugar coat it, it's not easy. It's been a HUGE adjustment for all of us. In some ways it is kind of horrible. It's horrible in the sense that no one likes to shed light on his or her own flaws. It's also horrible in the sense that it's painful to see your own power to harm another individual. On the other hand there is joy in knowing that my personality flaws are being refined in the fire. There is comfort in knowing that I am covered in grace by God. That each day is full of new mercies and that I am blessed enough to have 3 other people who have chosen to walk alongside me, to love me, even with my rough edges and prickles, and who care enough about me to challenge me, and see me grow and evolve as a person.

In closing, I wholeheartedly believe that God has a slightly twisted sense of humor. How could he not? I think that he lovingly enjoys the fact that he's brought 4 very different people, 2 separate families, together in one home to find their way. I think that our shenanigans probably bring a smile to his face on a regular basis. Together as one cohesive unit we are committed to this thing. We will struggle. We will celebrate. We will forgive.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. 

Proverbs 27:17

True Confessions: Part 1

I have a confession to make. I now live in (and love) a home that I bought sight unseen. Come Again? Yes. You read that correctly. I went into a mortgage for a home that I never saw, save a few photos. Who would do that? A crazy person. That's who!

Boy does it feels good to get that off of my chest!  I've been walking around all these months carrying this deep, dark secret. OK. Maybe not, but you get the idea. It is somewhat unusual. Most people wouldn't do that but I'm kinda getting into the whole unusual thing these days. It's fun. You should try it too. It really makes people uncomfortable and I like that (making people uncomfortable, that is).

This is/was my first home purchase. I have never owned a home before, let alone a home that I never saw prior to purchase. I have also never lived in community before (there will be more on that later). The first time I saw my home (other than in photos) was the day that my hubby and I pulled up in the driveway after over 18 hours of travel from Boulder, Colorado.

I remember the feelings that I had as I saw my home for the first time. I remember how I felt as we pulled up after the arduous trip. There was relief. There was fear, excitement, anxiety, joy, anticipation, and then, as I crossed over the threshold of my new home, unequivocal gratitude. How could I? How could this be? How could humble, mortal, little ol' me deserve such blessing? This home was/is far more than I could have ever hoped for or dreamed. It was meant to be, just as living with my in-laws was meant to be. As I slowly walked through the home, taking it all in, I became overwhelmed by it all. I can only describe it again as extreme gratitude. I began to cry. They were tears of joy, tears of humility and, in all honesty, tears of extreme fatigue. After all, I had just driven half-way across the country to get to my new home. After 32 years I had finally come home and it felt great.

I do feel blessed to have this home. I do feel like there is a purpose to all of this. I look forward to finding out what the future holds for myself and my 3 other commune partners in crime. It remains to be seen. I look forward to walking the road and sharing some of it with you along the way. There is much to tell.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20