True Confessions: Part 2

New flash: I'm not as awesome as I think I am. Crazy right? This absolutely astounding news has come to my blatant attention in the last 2 months. I have to admit that prior to this commune journey I have had the notion that I was slightly less than amazing all of the time. However, nothing will quite take the wind out of your sails and bring you a healthy dose of humility like living in community with 3 other adults.

I've come to the conclusion that living in community is not unlike going into a marriage relationship, except for one thing, the other's are much less willing than your actual marriage partner to take your crap. It's true. I do believe there is some amount of allowed manipulation and willing extension of denial between marriage partners. In essence, marriage partners are slightly more willing to let things slide or give the other person a bit more wiggle room with their behaviors. Now that I'm living with 2 other adults, besides my husband, there is total and unrelenting exposure. It's unavoidable when you live in this close of proximity to one another. I simply cannot hide from my personality flaws as easily as before. I can't ignore the times that I've hurt people or let words fly out of my mouth faster than my brain could process their magnitude. Having 3 people to hold you accountable for your behavior is much more sobering than what a mere partner could provide.

To some people this concept might sound horrible and I won't sugar coat it, it's not easy. It's been a HUGE adjustment for all of us. In some ways it is kind of horrible. It's horrible in the sense that no one likes to shed light on his or her own flaws. It's also horrible in the sense that it's painful to see your own power to harm another individual. On the other hand there is joy in knowing that my personality flaws are being refined in the fire. There is comfort in knowing that I am covered in grace by God. That each day is full of new mercies and that I am blessed enough to have 3 other people who have chosen to walk alongside me, to love me, even with my rough edges and prickles, and who care enough about me to challenge me, and see me grow and evolve as a person.

In closing, I wholeheartedly believe that God has a slightly twisted sense of humor. How could he not? I think that he lovingly enjoys the fact that he's brought 4 very different people, 2 separate families, together in one home to find their way. I think that our shenanigans probably bring a smile to his face on a regular basis. Together as one cohesive unit we are committed to this thing. We will struggle. We will celebrate. We will forgive.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. 

Proverbs 27:17