Enough is ENOUGH.

OK, so this post is going to be slightly off topic as it's really not about communal living, but in light of my current trip to Zambia and a surprise stop over in Ethiopia, I feel compelled to write this post. So, here I go.

I have to say, I find this time of year quite perplexing. The more, more, MORE, give me more attitude that has become pervasive in our society has reached epic proportions. The greed that is so often present in myself and others is out of control. Sadly, it only seems to get worse during the one time of year when it should be at it's best. This time of year should be about being more generous with our time and material blessings. It should be about feeling grateful and blessed, but it often feels just the opposite. One of my friends recently posted on facebook that perhaps we should change the name of Thanksgiving to Black friday eve. He was being facetious but I can certainly see his point. We are bombarded everywhere we turn with images of all the things that we must have in order to be cool and fit in or in order to look sexy and find a mate or in order to make our children happy and be a good parent. Black friday has become ingrained in american culture. It's practically a holiday in itself.  As my friend was pointing out it seems to be overshadowing the holiday in which we are suppose to stop and say we are thankful and have more than enough. Apparently we can pay our lip service and be thankful for 12 hours but come Friday we will be out in stores wide-eyed, cranky, grabbing, and trampling anyone who gets in our way of that new plasma T.V. It's disturbing.

In the aftermath of recently visiting two 3rd world countries I find this societal paradigm downright appalling. Please understand that I am not here writing this with some kind of holier then thou attitude. I too have been victim of the never enough culture. Heck, I even did black friday once. Side note, that was a terrible mistake never to be repeated. Anyway, I too have felt ungrateful and even downright discontent with the many, many material blessings that have been showered upon me. I'm embarrassed to say that I have complained. I've gotten caught up in the I NEED this or that. If I just have this one more thing (fill in the blank with certain material item) I will finally be fulfilled. But it never stops. It never ends. It never fills us up to the point where we can say I'm fulfilled. I don't want anymore. The truth is THINGS will never fulfill us. We were created for relationship, called to give of ourselves, and to see others as better than ourselves. To give until it hurts. So, it's no wonder that gimme, gimme, gimme has never once filled anyone up to the point of being satisfied. Sure, perhaps it made you feel good in the moment but it always fades and you have to find even more things to fill up that void. It's a vicious cycle. It is only when we step out of ourselves, ask God where we can be used and how we can take what we have been given and lavish it on others. It is only when we give of our time and financial resources that we find true joy and satisfaction. This is where the true blessings in life are found.

So, personal story time. Re-immerison into our culture has not been without it's own set of challenges and episodes of reverse culture shock. Shortly after returning from Africa I took a trip to my local T.J Maxx. Being the bargain shopper that I am I generally love stoping at this particular store to peruse the racks and see what thing I can buy. Because I deserve it, right? I work hard and why shouldn't I have that new pair of shoes or top? Am I not entitled to it? (sigh) All of the sudden, as I was walking the racks it felt like time had slowed and I was sitting back watching some kind of slow motion picture of myself and the other people in the store. No one was doing anything particularly "wrong" but as I looked around I just felt empty. A feeling of greed and sorrow filled my soul. I thought of all the children I had played with in Africa. Their clothing threadbare. Their shoes with holes. With only one outfit to their name they played, ate, and slept in the same thing day, after day, after day. Right there in that T.J Maxx, in that very moment, I stood and sobbed. I sobbed for the endless waste of money and time that I and my fellow Americans have frittered away time and again that could have been used to help someone less fortunate, that could have provided a meal or schooling or books. That could have been used to provide justice for a young girl taken up in the sex trafficking trade. That could have gone to the local food pantry or prison outreach program. The list goes on and on. I don't have any idea who those people in that T.J Maxx were that day. I have no idea where they give and where they don't. I have no idea what's inside their hearts. I don't even claim that the act of shopping is inherently bad, but what I do see is a country, a people, (and I'm including myself in this) who are so caught up in their own tiny, narcissistic corner of the world that they miss opportunity after opportunity to  look beyond themselves and their own selfish gains for just long enough to see a world outside of them that is hurting and in need of real, financial, and palatable help. A world that extends far beyond the four walls of their home and the newest toy they have bought for themselves or a loved one. A world in which even those who would be considered "poor" by American standards are actually quite rich compared to the rest of the world. A world that is filled with desperation, and hunger, and violence, and injustice, and torture, and slavery, and oppression, and real life suffering. What if we all set down our yoga mats and our starbucks lattes just long enough to think about the world outside of our teeny tiny corner? What if we stopped long enough to realize that we don't need one more thing to make us happy or fulfill us. Could we finally say enough really IS enough? Could we finally start to give more of ourselves in order that we could find what it means to truly be blessed and to bless others?

In this never enough country how can I/we make a daily stand and say we have more than enough? We don't need one more thing. As the holiday season approaches I challenge all of us, myself included, to take a step back from the marketing and the holiday hype to see that we have more than enough, far more than most of the world will ever see or have. Out of that overflow of more than enough let's see how we can give away a bit more of our time, a bit more of our attention, and a lot more of our financial resources to those around us who really and truly are in need.

FREE to be ME

Free to be me. 

This is my new mantra in the house. It applies to me but it also applies to everyone else in the house. EVERYone, in this krazy Kurtz Kommune, should be fully able to be fully authentic and fully themselves at all times. It's application to everyone else in the house will likely be a whole blog in of itself. Stay tuned for that one. That one will be all about me learning how not to be a judgmental asshole. Should be a fun one!

This is a snapshot of my mantra posted in my bathroom. I love to plaster verses and messages to myself all over mirrors and other obvious spots in my home. Visitors in my home must think I'm certifiably insane, but whatever, I'm just being me!

Anyway, It's strange to me how much the presence of others can influence who I am and how I behave. Sometimes this can be a good thing, like in the case of my mouth and needing to SHUT it from time to time. But I digress. The point is that I've had this epiphany that I was feeling oppressed and I was MAD about it, like seething mad and frequently irritated with everyone around me. As you can imagine, that was super pleasant to be around. I just felt suffocated, like I woke up one morning and realized that my head had been held under water for the last 4 months. Yes, it took me several months to figure this out because I'm kinda slow on the uptake when it comes to figuring out my true feelings. I was struggling with feeling like my personality was not welcome and I was blaming my feelings on everyone else in the house. Yeah. I'm really good at the blame game. I learned that one from my parents. It's not one of my best traits. But yeah, the truth is, that while some of what I was feeling from the others around me may have been real, most of it was all projection based on what I was feeling and battling inside. Some of it was likely coming from very real things going on around me, but much of it was perception based on my own inability to be completely authentic with who I am regardless of who is around me at any given time.

The realization that I truly am free to be me has been completely freeing. (Wow. That was heavy use of the word free in one sentence!) It probably seems really obvious to everyone reading this blog. Well duh! Why wouldn't you be yourself? It's silly not to be! Yes. I know that, but it's so easy for me to squelch myself based on my own perception of what personality characteristics in myself will be acceptable and unacceptable to those around me. I've gotten way better at it with age but it's still a frequent struggle.

So, here I am 5 months into this living situation trying to take back some pieces of myself, some parts of me that I felt like I allowed to get lost in the shuffle of learning to live in community with 2 new people + my hubs. See how I put the blame on myself for allowing it to happen and not on anyone else?? eh? eh? By Golly! She can learn something!

Some things about myself that I'm taking back:

- The me that LOVES to laugh and laugh RIDICULOUSLY loud (Ktina, you know what I'm talking about). I do. I love to laugh obnoxiously, people-stop-what-they-are-doing-and-stare-at-me loud. It's amazing and I love it. I'm taking it back.

-The me that loves to listen to music at all times and all hours of the day. I enjoy music. I like all kinds. I like to sing it at the top of my lungs. I like to belt it out all over the house and I like to sing it in my car. There is rarely a moment in my day when a song isn't going through my head. I love music. I'm taking it back.

-The me that enjoys doing dumb stuff simply for the entertainment factor of it. Yes. I am easily entertained/amused. Pump up some MC Hammer and do the running man all over the house? Yes please! Have an entire day in which I speak only with a British accent? Bloody heck, Yes! I'm taking it back.

-The me that loves to be a hostess. I have the gift of hospitality. I love a house that is full of bustle and chatter and laughter and excitement. I do not enjoy quiet. I love a good party. I want to have a house full of guests with food in their bellies and conversation on their lips, playing games, and truly enjoying one another's company. I like to make people feel welcome. I'm taking it back.

-The me that values raw, organic, and completely authentic emotion no matter how uncomfortable it can make the people around me. I've just spent so much of my life being told that my feelings were invalid that I'm over it. I'm ready to be real and to stop putting on that fake veneer of everything's all good all the time or whatever. If I'm overflowing with gladness I want to yell it out from the rooftops. If I'm aching with sadness from a recent pain, I want to share that and expose it. I just want to let emotions flow and not be afraid of their effect on everyone else around me. I'm taking it back.

-The me that lives for trying new things, meeting new people, eating new foods, engaging with others on a regular basis, laughing until my sides hurt, finding and exploring new towns and parks, adventuring outdoors, being active all of the time. I'm taking these back.

I feel like this blog isn't very cohesive but I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I'm moving towards a place of acceptance for who God created me to be. The me that is unique and special and created for a very unique purpose that only I can fulfill. No one else will do. I don't want to squelch that person anymore. I gotta be me!

For you created my inmost being; 

you knit me together in my mother's womb. 

I praise you because I am fearfully and 

wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, 

I know that full well. 

-Psalm 139:13-14

HARD doesn't mean BAD

Please let me try to explain.

I have come to the recent conclusion that we, as humans, associate something that is difficult or hard with being bad. There are TONS of things in life that are hard but are not inherently bad. In fact, I feel that the opposite is true. The things that are hard are typically GOOD. Maybe they don't feel good in the exact moment that you are experiencing them but with time and perseverance hard can be GOOD. 

This current observation that hard is associated with bad has come to my attention during recent conversations. 
Here is a quick snippet from current conversations:
Random person - "how's that whole commune thing goin'?"
Me - "it's hard."
Random person - "Gasp! Really? Ooh. Shoot. Sorry bout that. Ooopph. " (said with uncomfortable inflection)
The conversation goes on from here but I kinda chuckle inside each time because it strikes me as funny that we have trained ourselves to think that hard = bad.

Why do we think that the things that are hard in life should be avoided or purged with a fervor from our lives? In my personal experience the things that have been the most difficult have, when all is said and done, brought me the greatest joy and deepest reward. I believe wholeheartedly that the Kurtz Kommune is one of those things.

Let me list just a teeny-tiny sampling of some of the things in my life which have been difficult yet oh so worth every moment of hardship.

1. Marriage - this is quite possibly the hardest and best thing that I have ever done

2. Living in the Kurtz Kommune - quite possibly the 2nd hardest thing I've ever done and in all likelihood it will get harder before it gets easier

3. Forgiveness - of myself and of others who have hurt me. Incredibly, ridiculously hard and a continual work in progress.

4. Relationships of most any kind - Yes. Even friendship requires a lot of hard work

5. Training for athletic events - ouch! and freakin' amazing all at the same time!!!!

6. Owning a business - sometimes I think I'm a glutton for punishment because I've willingly owned and operated two businesses and will likely own many more before retirement. Business ownership is a seriously awesome learning/head bashing into the wall experience. No. Really. I Promise. It's amazing.

I could go on and on but I won't because I'm beginning to sense that you believe that reading this blog post is HARD and you're about to switch screens and move back over to Facebook. I can't blame you.

Anyhoo, When I look back I can see that if I had chose to flee from all the hard things in my life I would never have had the chance to experience the pure joy that was birthed out of those trials. I'm not kidding, joy and with that ultimate satisfaction has always resulted. If I had fled from the hard stuff I would have deprived myself of this gift. That would've really stunk.

Don't get me wrong here people. I'm not on a soap box. I'm telling you my story. I don't pretend to know yours. I also don't pretend for one second to think that I'm special because I have pushed through. 99% of it has not come from my own strength or will power or sheer awesomeness or whatever. My strength comes from The Lord, for when I have been my weakest, he has made me strong, not because of who I am, but because of who HE is. I am grateful for the hard parts of life and accept the challenge that there will be more of it in the future and, like the above, I will relish in the joy that I know is yet to come.

If you're in a season of hardship, I encourage you to push through because, like the Kommune, hard is GOOD, heck it can be better than good, it can be GREAT.

Two Are Better Than One

There is an old saying that my mother use to always say, "many hands make light work". This couldn't be more true in the ol' commune. There are some truly wonderful things about living in community and not the least of which is having more helpers around. I think that's why in the days of yore families had so many kids. It could also be related to the fact that children making it past their first year of life was an accomplishment, but I digress. The point is, there are some really wonderful things about living in community and I'd like to share some of them with you. Ladies take notice, it is absolutely wonderful to have another lady's hands around to help with the day to day tasks in the home.

Things that I LOVE about living in community:


1. Cooking becomes much less of a chore when you have another woman to plan meals and grocery shop with. They can also take up some of the burden when you have a night that you don't particularly feel like cooking.

2. This house is HUGE. I simply cannot imagine having to clean all 3000+ sq. ft. of it all by myself. Again, having another lady friend to take up some of that load makes all the difference

3. Having your best friends around all the time just makes life that much more enjoyable.

4. Having extra hands to do all the move in painting cuts project time in half.

5. There is very little opportunity for loneliness in this house as there is always someone to talk to, always someone to come out in the garage and chat with you whilst you paint a table.

6. All the household bills are cut in half. This also applies to the grocery bill and other home expenditures.

7. Having another lady in the house means twice the possibility of fresh baked goods lying around at all times.

8. Living in a community means that you constantly have a "go to" group of others to hang out with on Friday or Saturday nights.

9. When doing the home decorating it is nice to have a second pair of eyes and mind for creative thought.

Things that I DON'T LOVE (see how I didn't use hate there) about living in Community:

1. This one goes along with #3 up top. While #3 is quite nice, it can also be, at times, quite tiresome. There are days when you just want everyone to GO AWAY!!! Why are there people EVERYWHERE?!?!?!

2. Total exposure. There are no secrets when you live in this close of proximity.

3. Having another lady in the house means twice the possibility of fresh baked goods lying around at all times. Yes. This is a repeat from above. As you can imagine this is a double edged sword.

4. Food gets eaten up twice as fast. If you know me, you know i'm territorial about my food. Step back away from my cookies people!!

5. Everyone, except me, gets SUPER annoying at some point.

6. No more nude walkings about whenever you feel like it.

7. Everyone has an opinion on EVERYTHING. Just when you think that you've figured out just how you would do something or just where you would like to place something someone else tells you that they'd prefer it another way.

I'm sure there are more things, both good and bad, I will add them as I think of them.


In this arrangement I feel that the ladies have the upper hand. Sometimes I feel quite bad for the men. They now have two times the amount of nagging and two times the amount of ladies telling them what to do. wah wah wah.

Two are better than one because they have better return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 

-Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Sticks and Stones

You know that old childhood saying about sticks and stones breaking bones but words not hurting? If not, here's a quick reminder:

"Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me"

 Picture some bratty kid saying that with their tongue sticking out. They'd also probably follow it up with some version of "nah nah nah nah boo boo!"

What a pile of bologna! As everyone has experienced, words can hurt just as deep as any bruise and sometimes worse because their scars are not outwardly noticeable.

Well unfortunately for me, OK it's not really unfortunate, but it is hard. God's got his eye on continuing to work on my sharp and prickly edges and he's using my fellow commune mates to expose where I need to change. I have too sharp of a tongue. I let hurtful words fly out of my mouth without giving a moments notice. It usually happens when I'm irritated or even pissed about something. I need to find the balance and learn to control my tongue. It's not that anger is bad. I think that we place a negative connotation around anger as an emotion. It too, like sadness or joy, is a valid emotion and one that Jesus himself even experienced. Seriously, read the story in Matthew about him flipping over tables at the temple. Dude was pissed. The difference is, Jesus didn't sin in his anger. Can't say the same about myself. Yipes! I need to learn how to express my anger in a more constructive manner and one that doesn't directly hurt other people.

The nasty part about this unveiling is that I have learned that I am extremely adept at giving a good tongue lashing. This is not a status that I am proud of having acquired. If I'm honest with myself, I probably started honing my skills many years ago and have worked pretty hard at them ever since.

Growing up, anger and rage were the only "allowed" emotions in my family. Sorrow, fear, and anxiety need not apply. For whatever reason, actively expressing those particular emotions was not allowed. These were always answered away and you were constantly given a reason for why you, in fact, did not have those particular feelings. In general, feelings weren't really allowed in our house but somehow anger and rage made the cut. Perhaps these emotions were OK because they shielded your vulnerable side. I can't really say.

At any rate, when you grow up in a family in which barking at one another and anger outbursts are a common occurrence you naturally begin to develop a pretty thick skin. As a result, you become desensitized to the power of your words. For many years I have often thought that everyone else should just toughen up and that they were the ones in need of a change, and not me. Surely, not me! Can we say pride much? Yeah well, as I've said it before God seems to have a sense of humor and he's pretty good at knocking us down a few notches when there's something that we need to change in our lives. My commune partners in crime have been brave enough to confront me with the times that I have hurt them and to make me aware that my words do have meaning and power. So, I went ahead and followed that up with a good punching in their face. um...what? Just kidding! Let me tell you though, confrontation really SUCKS, probably for them too. It's never easy to confront someone as you never really know how they will respond.

I wish that I could say that this realization has led to an immediate change of behavior. It has not. It is a work in progress. Isn't that life for ya? We're always a work in progress. I am currently trying to think of ways to allow my anger to come out. I don't want to suppress my anger, but at the same time it needs to come out in a less harmful manner.

Got any anger expulsion ideas for me? Here in the commune we have often joked about having a "freak out garage". You would go in there and scream your head off and them come back out feeling refreshed. Ha! I wonder if that would work? I've also always really wanted to break something. I would just love to have a cement wall that I could throw plates into, or better yet, delicate wine glasses. oooh.  Wouldn't that be rewarding? Only problem would be having the endless supply of glassware to break. That might get a little costly. How about something that I could yell out into the air that wouldn't be directed at any one person? Trust me, I can swear like a sailor so I'm trying to think of something that might not involve swear words. :)

I'll let you know if I come up with anything. In the meantime I'll leave you with the verse that has given me a lot of comfort during this time.

Being confident of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus 

-Phillipians 1:6

What this verse means to me is that I can and will be able to change because of the work of grace. This is a huge encouragement to me. It's so easy to feel trapped and defeated, like we will never be any different, that we cannot change, but that my friends is a lie. 

True Confessions: Part 2

New flash: I'm not as awesome as I think I am. Crazy right? This absolutely astounding news has come to my blatant attention in the last 2 months. I have to admit that prior to this commune journey I have had the notion that I was slightly less than amazing all of the time. However, nothing will quite take the wind out of your sails and bring you a healthy dose of humility like living in community with 3 other adults.

I've come to the conclusion that living in community is not unlike going into a marriage relationship, except for one thing, the other's are much less willing than your actual marriage partner to take your crap. It's true. I do believe there is some amount of allowed manipulation and willing extension of denial between marriage partners. In essence, marriage partners are slightly more willing to let things slide or give the other person a bit more wiggle room with their behaviors. Now that I'm living with 2 other adults, besides my husband, there is total and unrelenting exposure. It's unavoidable when you live in this close of proximity to one another. I simply cannot hide from my personality flaws as easily as before. I can't ignore the times that I've hurt people or let words fly out of my mouth faster than my brain could process their magnitude. Having 3 people to hold you accountable for your behavior is much more sobering than what a mere partner could provide.

To some people this concept might sound horrible and I won't sugar coat it, it's not easy. It's been a HUGE adjustment for all of us. In some ways it is kind of horrible. It's horrible in the sense that no one likes to shed light on his or her own flaws. It's also horrible in the sense that it's painful to see your own power to harm another individual. On the other hand there is joy in knowing that my personality flaws are being refined in the fire. There is comfort in knowing that I am covered in grace by God. That each day is full of new mercies and that I am blessed enough to have 3 other people who have chosen to walk alongside me, to love me, even with my rough edges and prickles, and who care enough about me to challenge me, and see me grow and evolve as a person.

In closing, I wholeheartedly believe that God has a slightly twisted sense of humor. How could he not? I think that he lovingly enjoys the fact that he's brought 4 very different people, 2 separate families, together in one home to find their way. I think that our shenanigans probably bring a smile to his face on a regular basis. Together as one cohesive unit we are committed to this thing. We will struggle. We will celebrate. We will forgive.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. 

Proverbs 27:17

True Confessions: Part 1

I have a confession to make. I now live in (and love) a home that I bought sight unseen. Come Again? Yes. You read that correctly. I went into a mortgage for a home that I never saw, save a few photos. Who would do that? A crazy person. That's who!

Boy does it feels good to get that off of my chest!  I've been walking around all these months carrying this deep, dark secret. OK. Maybe not, but you get the idea. It is somewhat unusual. Most people wouldn't do that but I'm kinda getting into the whole unusual thing these days. It's fun. You should try it too. It really makes people uncomfortable and I like that (making people uncomfortable, that is).

This is/was my first home purchase. I have never owned a home before, let alone a home that I never saw prior to purchase. I have also never lived in community before (there will be more on that later). The first time I saw my home (other than in photos) was the day that my hubby and I pulled up in the driveway after over 18 hours of travel from Boulder, Colorado.

I remember the feelings that I had as I saw my home for the first time. I remember how I felt as we pulled up after the arduous trip. There was relief. There was fear, excitement, anxiety, joy, anticipation, and then, as I crossed over the threshold of my new home, unequivocal gratitude. How could I? How could this be? How could humble, mortal, little ol' me deserve such blessing? This home was/is far more than I could have ever hoped for or dreamed. It was meant to be, just as living with my in-laws was meant to be. As I slowly walked through the home, taking it all in, I became overwhelmed by it all. I can only describe it again as extreme gratitude. I began to cry. They were tears of joy, tears of humility and, in all honesty, tears of extreme fatigue. After all, I had just driven half-way across the country to get to my new home. After 32 years I had finally come home and it felt great.

I do feel blessed to have this home. I do feel like there is a purpose to all of this. I look forward to finding out what the future holds for myself and my 3 other commune partners in crime. It remains to be seen. I look forward to walking the road and sharing some of it with you along the way. There is much to tell.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof - That's Me!

I am a ball of nerves. I'm not sleeping. I'm gorging myself on sugar. I'm having panic attacks. I'm sitting paralyzed with fear. I'm having irrational emotional outbursts. These are all signs that a big life change and a huge move are just around the corner. As much as I've tried to act cool as a cucumber these last few weeks, the reality has officially set in. I feel like my life is now moving at 100 mph and I'm standing on the sidelines watching it whizz by. I hate this feeling. It's a feeling of losing control. Not so good when you're a control freak like me.

I'm sitting here grappling with why I'm feeling this way. I've done this before. I'm a moving expert. I'm the queen of change, or at least so I thought. In truth, I think the older I get the more I dislike change. Change of any kind has been harder and harder for me to handle. Am I getting more cranky and stuck in my ways as I age? I'm not really sure. I think I've just lived a life of much chaos and I'm now really starved for some groundedness and maybe even a little monotony.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

My thoughts are so all over the place I'm having a hard time composing a clear blog post. I will do what I always do when I'm feeling anxious, I'll head for the hills and talk to God. Outdoors is the only place to find peace and commune with my creator. It's the only place right now where I can be still.

In the meantime, do me a favor, don't sneak up behind me. My nerves are on high alert. I'm liable to lay you out with a punch or at least a blood curdling scream. You have been warned.

Some pics of how I feel:

Kitty on high alert. Don't startle me!

Don't give me any coffee. Worst idea ever!

Looks like I finally have something in common with Britney

Puttin' on my big girl panties cuz I'm all growzed up!

Wow. I can't believe it. After all the debate, work, consideration, prayer, waiting, and more prayer that went into the purchase of this house, it's finally here, the big closing day. Being a self-proclaimed commitment-a-phobe this is definitely a big ordeal for me. So, it seems only right that I should commemorate this day with a blog posting.

Today is monumental for me. Purchasing a home is unchartered territory. It always seemed like a pie in the sky ideal and something that only BORING people do because they have nothing better to do with their BORING lives than settle down into one house, get comfortable (a.k.a get more BORING), clutter up the home with a bunch of junk, and then live there rotting in boredom until one day....they DIE. Sounds terrible doesn't it? Now you can see why I never thought I'd buy a home! Ha! But seriously I've had like close to 10 years of counseling and $1,000s of dollars spent to get to the crux of why my damaged self had such thoughts.

Phew. Wow. Glad that's off my chest. Anyhoo, I really had no idea what went into the whole process of home buying. My parents never owned a home and now they live in China. That's probably why I've always been totally comfortable with the idea of renting for my entire life. Turns out purchasing a home involves a crap ton of paper work, offers and counter offers, waiting, inspections, signing papers, more waiting, approvals, money, and closing. Then, BLAM, you own a home. Here's the keys. Have fun. Wait..... What just happened?? Just kidding. :P

Our very first home.  Crazy! What's even crazier of course is the fact that we bought our first home with two other first time home owners, my in-laws. Crazy with a little side of crazy! I really never thought that I'd own a home. It feels so grown up and well......commitment like. I can't believe it! I'm seriously going to have a ridiculously cute, white, picket fence. How cliche is that?

Pajama Jama Party

Today I made the realization that since I will be living with two people other than my husband that I was in dire need of a new sleep wardrobe. It may be OK to wear ripped PJ's, shorty shorts, and see-through tank tops when I am in the company of just my husband but it certainly will NOT be acceptable to have a nipple slip in the company of the family commune. Yipes! Awkward.

So, I trashed several items that did not make the PJ cut and headed over to the local Marshalls to make some more family friendly purchases. The trip was a success. Nothing exciting to report there. Though, I have to say this whole thing got me thinking about the fact that minor things like ripped up pajamas can actually become somewhat of an issue when living in community. That in turn got me wondering about the other strange things we will encounter in the transition phase. Things that seem completely normal and legit when it's just you and your hubby but suddenly become quite inappropriate when there is a crowd.

Other things that may not be kosher to do when living in community:
- walking naked from the shower to the bedroom (imagine the horror on my in-laws faces)
- drinking directly from the milk jug or any beverage container
- using previously licked spoon to dish more hummus out of container
- having "intimate relations" in living room or other communal areas
- singing at the top of my lungs at 6am (really anything loud at that hour is probably not OK)
- pooping/peeing with the bathroom door open

I'm sure I've missed a few. Can't wait to find out what they are! Stay tuned......

Purge the Demons - The packing party has begun!

And today's demons are (drum roll please) mounds and mounds of papers. Seriously, how does this happen? How am I not buried in piles of papers? I HATE paper. The faster this world goes completely digital, the better! I just spent the better part of the day going through my office. I have probably made about 6 trips to dump shredded papers into the recycling bins and all I really have to show for my work is one measly packed box. Sheesh!

 My purging purgatory

All that work and only one box to show for it. Le sigh.....

Honestly people, I HATE moving. At last count I was up to about 25 times in my 32 short years (but you already knew that because you religiously read my blog. Right? Right?!). Anyway, It seriously has the ability to throw me into a panic attack. I think I have PTSD from all the moves over the years. I need a support group or maybe I just need to go into the fetal position for a little while and suck my thumb.

I do have to admit that even though moving has become a somewhat traumatizing experience for me I love the excitement of the unknown. Every move feels like a clean slate. A do over. I also love sifting through my crap and getting rid of stuff. What I do not love is realizing that I am an over-indulgent, pampered, wealthy, white person with the first world problem of having too many clothes and too many belongings. Kinda disturbing if ya ask me........

Anyhoo, break's over. Back to shredding!

I MUST Be Taking Crazy Pills

I can't believe I'm willingly leaving this place behind! That thought kept running through my head on the ride this morning. This is just another day in Boulder. Same ol'. Same ol'. It's always sunny here. It's always mild in temperature. It's always a good day to ride!

This is my friend and riding buddy, Kim. She is one of the people that I will have to say goodbye to. I'm gonna miss my training buddy from Jersey with the Jersey attitude. 

My heart is sad this afternoon. For what I will gain, I am giving up much. As departure becomes eminent, reality begins to set in. As much as I poke fun of Boulder, it's been a wonderful place to live for the last 2 years. I've met wonderful people. I've met some real nut jobs too, but that's beside the point. The point is, I will have to say goodbye. I may not see some of these people ever again. It hurts. I've moved over 25 times in my 32 years of life so I'm quite familiar with what saying goodbye feels like, and yet, every time, every single time it's just as painful as the first time.

I'm moving from a place of knowing to a place of unknowing. Will I like small town Indiana? What will the people be like? Will I make friends? Will I be able to live in harmony with 3 other adults under one roof? Will family and friends make up for the lack of nature and glorious weather? How will I ever survive without an organic grocery on every corner?

For now, I'm going to let this feeling ride. Even though I know this move is right, it's OK to mourn the losses that come with the change. Today I'm going to relish in the beauty of Boulder. I'm going to enjoy what I have before it's gone. I've got the afternoon free and a beautiful mountain to hike with my doggie. Here's to enjoying my last few weeks in Boulder to their fullest!

NEVER say Never

Remember when I said I would NEVER live in Indy? Whoopsie! I’m fairly certain that God has a sense of humor and that sort of commentary generally comes back to bite you in the ass. It sure has for me!

In the earlier years of my marriage it’s something that I said to Andrew all the time. Who am I kidding? I’m pretty sure I said it sometime in the last 12 months. Anyway, It was always mentioned with affirmation after visits to the area. I didn’t like the sprawl. I didn’t like the chain restaurants. I didn’t like the weather. I didn't like the downtown. I didn’t like the obesity and the list went on and on.

In any case, things change and people change. That’s one of the cool things about being human. We have free will. We can change. We can evolve. We can grow. Living in Boulder for the last 2 years has been a gift. I have changed and grown a LOT and I’ve grown into a spot where I long for family.

A short list of other things I said I would NEVER do and now subsequently do all the time:

-Stay in on Friday and/or Saturday nights (oh the horror!)

-Get married

-Be that couple that sits and watches TV all night

-Wear raggity pajamas to bed

-Leave Colorado

-Move to Indy

-Go to counseling

-Eat organic food

-Have children (I’m still working on the never part of this one but I better watch it lest I end up with a brood of children)

In all seriousness though, saying never is a dangerous place to be. It holds you back. It limits you. It keeps you from the things and places where you might truly find happiness and fulfillment. It may keep you from an amazing plan for your life. For me, part of that plan is living with and near my family whom I adore. I know there is a lot more to this story and I can’t wait to see what else God has in store. 

Living in Community: Part 3 (everyone wants to offer unsolicited words of caution)

I like how whenever you make a big change in your life everyone has an opinion. You know what I’m talking about. I’m sure you’ve been there before in one way or another. And I’m not saying that we shouldn’t seek out wise counsel when making decisions, obviously we should BUT I have to laugh because most negative commentary is coming from outsiders who have absolutely no idea about the situation at hand or the people involved.

When I tell someone the news of this move and the impending communal living situation there tends to be a certain sequence of events in their reaction. First their jaw drops, then, they laugh, and not in a good way,  It’s a nervous, uncomfortable laugh. Then, they offer up words of caution like “wait a minute did you think this through?” or “Are you sure about this?” or “What about all the legalities?” Cue 750 various legal scenarios about the dangers of living with family and the legal repercussions of purchasing a home together. Eventually, they may timidly come to the conclusion that it is OK to live this way (thanks for the thumbs up), but then they will quickly change the subject to something much less scary, like, the weather or Aunt Martha’s goiter.

People, I get it. This is unusual to everyone because it goes against America’s societal norm of independence. I get it but how dumb do people think I am? Did I just wake up one morning and think oh hell, you know what? I think I should just buy a home with my in-laws and we’ll all live happily ever after! WORST IDEA EVER, people!

A LOT has led up to this. It’s taken years of growth and priming. God was putting the pieces together even when I had no idea it was happening. It took city living. It took a move to Boulder. It took relationship growth. It took pain. It took a lot of things. Months of prayer, counsel, and more prayer went into it. Lots of late nights with the in-laws bringing up all possible scenarios down to the finest details. No, In fact, as much as people think I just woke up one morning and decided to willy-nilly move in with my in-laws, they couldn’t be any further away from the truth.

There’s a lot more to tell about how I got to this place but I’ll save that for another day. Right now I'm actually beginning to panic that my in-laws are going to detest living with me.  

Living in Community: Part 2 (Telling Everyone Else)

It’s OK to be different. The truth is, I’ve always been a “buck the system” kinda gal. If I am told I should do AB or C because it’s what everyone else does I would sooner do the opposite.  I am defiant and sometimes not in a good way. Surprisingly though, when it came time to break the news to people that I would be living community style with my extended family, I started to get a little timid. But why? Why? How could this be? In your face me was nervous to tell the news? Why was it so scary for me to share with others what I knew was right, and good, and true, and even inspired?

Yes. I do believe that this came from God. Why do I know that? I know it because it’s in my gut. As much as I tried to fight this idea, and believe me, I TRIED. It kept coming back. I actually pleaded with God to make it not so. It’s so against my very persona that I knew it just had to be from him. Surely, I wouldn’t come up with anything so wild.

THIS IS NOT NORMAL. All things that stray from our cultural norms are scary.

You may think I’m coo-coo. Honestly, It is a little cray-cray. Then again, aren’t all things that are out there or inspired always considered a little crazy? All innovative things are those that stray from the norm. To be frank, even as little as a year ago if I could have glimpsed into the future and I were able to see this I would have said no freakin’ way. Ya’ll all are full o’ bleeeeeeep. Yet here I am and I couldn’t be anymore confident of this decision. I’m more confident than I’ve ever been about any one decision in my entire life. 

Living in Community: Part 1

Well, it’s official. Hold on to your hats folks! I’m off my nut by about a mile and a half. I, Abby Kurtz, city girl, fiercely independent, feisty, and non-committal that I am, am not only buying a home with but am also moving in with my in-laws. 

Collective GASP!!!!

Two couples, 4 people, in less than 2 months will combine their material goods and their lives into one household in small town Indiana. It sounds just crazy enough to be worthy of a blog.

I’m not gonna sugar coat it. I’m not gonna lie. I’m gonna share it all, the ups and the downs, the funny stuff and the sad stuff, the mundane and the down right ridiculous. I hope you’ll join me on this adventure as the 4 of us forge into the unknown, the scary, the exciting, and the unchartered territory of communal living. 

A WARNING TO MY READERS: You all need to know that I’m a Christian. I love the Lord. Scary, I know. If this fact will bug, frighten, or offend you, than you best flip the channel now before my Jesus freak rubs off on you.   :P